


Emergent

by SoriSeeraKyra



Series: Making an Empress [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Murder, Empathy, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sensitivity, Forced Pregnancy, Gen, Hate, Infertility, Multi, Murder, Panic Attacks, Power Dynamics, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-03-04 16:43:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13368870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoriSeeraKyra/pseuds/SoriSeeraKyra
Summary: Worrying that you are losing your usefulness, you struggle to find your place of power in the First Order.





	1. 1

Your back arched off of the soft mattress, pressing your sweaty heaving body even further into his.  The moan of pleasure that ripped through your lips was engulfed by his waiting mouth. Both of you linger for a moment, bodies paralyzed with pleasure, your nails dug as deeply into his back as his fingers were into your hips. And then it is over, and the both of you are released from the grip of ecstasy.

 

Your body collapses against the bed underneath you and he collapses on top of you. Your nails release his shoulders and your hand instead begins to soothe the wounds, rubbing gently at the abused skin. The large hands on your hips begin to do the same.

 

He detaches himself from your mouth and places tender kisses on your neck and simultaneously rocks himself free of the grip that had brought him such pleasure. A small whine leaves your lips causing a smirk to press itself into the skin of your neck.

 

He settles into your chest, the full weight of his body evenly distributed in such a way that wouldn’t cause you too much suffering. Your hands tangle in the dark mop of his thick hair, and you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face.

 

There such peace in these moments, and you made it a priority to cherish them. It was just you and him and none of the frustrations that existed outside of your shared quarters. Here, entangled with each other, bodies cooling from the sweat of your passion, in the dark of the room there was a since of serenity. At least for a moment.

 

“You were so tense,” you muse softly, running your fingers through his hair absently. “I’m worried you’ll make yourself sick.”

 

He doesn’t respond and instead takes a deep breath, and buries his face in further into your chest, relishing the softness that is enveloping him.

 

“You shouldn’t worry too much,” you continue, “It is only a matter of time until you root the man out, there are only so many places he can hide and our reach is infinite.”

 

A wave of his amusement floods over you and a small pout forms on your lips.

 

“You sound like devoted member of the First Order, especially strange since not long ago you were talking of its destruction.”

 

“Not destruction,” you correct with a coo feeling his body relax as he begins to drift off, “It’s rebirth into something truly powerful.”

 

He’s still for a moment and you can feel the wheels turning in his mind. He doesn’t like it when you talk about this. He knows what it means, what the implications are, what you want him to do. It’s wrong, especially when the supreme leader has taught him so much, saved him from those that would do him harm.

And yet there is another part, small part in the back of his mind that is susceptible to your teasing and your suggestion, a rather vulnerable part that like the idea of being called Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.  Strangely enough whenever the thought crosses his mind one of the first images that appears is the face of subservient Hux bowing deeply to him. It makes you chuckle at the childishness of your husband, but it also gives you hope. Hope that your existence will not forever be in limbo.

 

Your happiness begins to wane as dark thoughts begin to cloud your mind. You knew he _knew_ , but you weren’t sure he understood how conditional your presence by his side was. Or if he cared the way you did.

 

It’d been over a year since your marriage, and a part of you can’t help but feel that you are running out of time. The First Order was built by the generation of children collected after the fall of the empire and it would need children in order to continue to thrive.  If you could not give Kylo a child the way you had been ordered to, how long would be before you were discarded? Even more of a reason to turn the man to your side.

 

He knows your thoughts of course, were your worry is centered. And most likely because he has agreed not to dip into your thoughts without permission, he rubs his palm gently across your abdomen, as if telling you not to worry. You shift your thoughts, there is no reason to worry at such time not when there was such peace to be had.

 

***

“I wish I would have known you kept a kitten, Hux, I would have visited sooner,” you say smiling at the orange feline currently resting on your lap.

 

The young general looks at you with a raised eyebrow, “And what makes you think I would have let you in.”

 

“You let me in today.”

 

“Only because you said you had an urgent message from Kylo Ren.”

 

“Ah, yes,” you say drawing your attention from the cat. “He says the quality of Stormtroopers that you are sending him are inadequate. Almost all of them die whenever he goes on missions and it’s a real shame, especially for such _highly_ trained soldiers.”

 

His lips twist down even further into a frown. Part of you wonders if his face would eventually stay like that, he pulls the expression so often.

 

“He couldn’t tell me this himself?”

 

“Kylo feels that you both never seem to have a constructive conversation, and he thought someone with my more diplomatic talents would be best to bring such a matter forth.”

“Meaning he sent you here to make a fool of me under the guise of politeness.”

 

In order to keep the smile off of your face you give him a frown of your own, “Don’t be so crass general, I’m merely delivering my husband’s valid criticisms.”

 

“Just the way I’m sure Supreme Leader Snoke will be delivering yours shortly,” he bites back quickly.

 

You’re careful to keep the startled expression off of your face, but your heart begins to palpate and you have to bite at the inside of your cheek to keep from saying something stupid.

 

“And what would you know of my situation, general?”

 

“All information goes through me, who do you think the medical officers report to?”

 

He stops himself, and you both know it. ‘Fool’ is hanging at the very tip of his tongue but he doesn’t let it slip from his mouth. He knows Kylo Ren wouldn’t attempt to hurt him, not while the Supreme Leader had his way, but you, in some way seemed to be slightly less in control of your abilities than even that child was. The fact that you hadn’t been afraid to snap the neck of an officer in public had surprised him.

 

“I wonder what the Supreme Leader will say,” he starts moving closer to you, finger curling a loose strand of hair. “When he finds out we spared your pitiful planet and even wasted resources on you, just find out you’re barren.”

 

You rip away violently from him, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes, there is a painful burn emanating from the side of your scalp, where the hair that was wrapped around Hux’s finger ripped from your head. “That is beneath you, general.”

 

“Is it?” He questions with a raised eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware that there were certain guidelines that dictated that way in which I speak to _you_.”

 

“I am-“

 

“You are the daughter of a warlord of some meaningless outer rim planet, bought and sold to be fucked and impregnated by an impudent child that wears a cape and mask, all at the behest of the Supreme Leader. You hold no power on this ship, no position of authority, no meaning. In fact, I dare wonder, why you were even allowed in here in the first place.”

 

“Don’t,” you start an aching already building in your chest.

 

“Or what, what will you do? What can you do?”

 

Your hand twitches at his prodding but you stop yourself, he is not just some soldier. Harming him would only land you into a situation you aren’t sure that you would be able to dig yourself out from. He’s right, there is nothing you can do.  You are nothing. Even so, allowing him to have the last word would only serve to injure your pride further.

 

“You will regret this,” you say steeling lacing your voice. You are surprised at the strength in it, especially since you know if you blink too slowly a tear will fall from your eyes. “One day you will grovel for me to spare you, that I would grant you my favor. You will kiss the skirt of my gown and beg me to save you from whatever wretched fate a little man like you deserves and when that day comes, I will remember this. I will remember that I am nothing and therefore will do nothing but watch with a smile as you suffer your fate.”

 

You don’t stay to watch his face or to hear his retorted, you don’t think you’re in the mood to trade barbs with the sharp tongued general. You storm out of the room, the skirt of your dress flying behind you as you move swiftly. The tears are already rolling down your face and the embarrassment of crying in public is causing you to cry more.

 

You make your way to your quarters blindly and you find yourself buried in your sheets like when you were a child. The only comfort you receive is the scent of your husband that floods your senses.  Pathetically, and you almost know without a doubt you will not get an answer, you reach for him with your mind, with your heart. And for several minutes you wait for an answer, for comfort, but it never comes.

 

Your hands fall to your abdomen, and a wave of hate overcomes you. Hate for Snoke and your father, each of whom had bought and sold you, Hux for his words, Kylo for not responding, and lastly, yourself, your body for not doing what you wanted it to do.

 

 

***

His wife isn’t there to greet him when he returns. He couldn’t say he was disappointed, perhaps intrigued was the correct word. His eyes meet the rueful gaze of her servant who is there in her place, where she usually stands. She approaches him without the usual trepidation even though she can barely meet his gaze.

 

“Something is wrong, sir. She won’t let me into check on her. It been hours, I’m worried.”

 

Ah, so there was a reason for her calling to him earlier. He had felt her sadness, her despair, but he blocked it out, cut his connection to her, at least temporarily. The Supreme Leader had warned him that such an attachment would cause him to become distracted, and when he felt you reach for him on his mission, he once again marveled at the ingenuity of his master.

 

Still, it was strange that she had not let the girl in. She seemed close with her, after all. He doesn’t respond to the girl and instead begins to make long strides to the elevator. He concentrates, opening himself back up to you, but he can’t feel anything. It’s almost as if you are gone.

 

He’s unsure how to feel, how does he process the fact that she’s have retreated from him? The overwhelming instinct is to be filled with rage. He holds it at bay though, he’s almost positive that you wouldn’t ignore him if you didn’t have a good reason.

 

It’s cold when he enters his quarters, an unnatural cold, considering the heat the Finalizer provides. It quiet, too. It feels as though he’s walked into a void, a place so devoid of life that it wishes to engulf him. There is no anger here, just emptiness. He removes his helmet as he approaches the door to your shared room. The door opens and he sees her there, lying in a fetal position. A frown pulls at his lips as he examines her unmoving form. Her breaths are slow but even, as if she was meditating.

 

He comes to the side of the bed and observes her; her eyes are wide and unblinking, they are unfocused despite them looking so intently in one direction. A glaze, a sheen almost, coats the orbs.

 

He bends at the knees to lower himself to her side and reaches out a gloved hand to her cheek. There is a chill that runs through his thickly gloved hand, like ice was coming from her body. If she kept this up she would wind up killing herself.

 

He presses against her mind again and he felt it, something small there waiting for him. It was cold like the room around him and familiar. He remembered that feeling, when he was betrayed and cast out, it was despair. While he was able to keep himself from falling into such a state like this, he had curbed his despair with his anger. She had taken the opposite route, as hopelessness seemed to be reinforcing her misery.

 

He presses against her again and he knows that if he does, if he keeps probing further into her mind, he is going to do something the at cannot be reversed, and that he will likely be punished by supreme leader Snoke for it. He paused in his actions, was she worth jeopardizing all that he had worked for?

***

The warm breeze hits your cheeks as you watch the beach from your balcony watching your people play. It was a warm summer, probably the warmest in the past few years, and so more people were out at the beaches than ever before. It was times like this you were glad you traded rooms with your sister. She hated the sounds that the city made, not that she hated the people, but she thought her rooms should be private and a place of quiet, this exposed balcony offered neither.

 

“Look,” a small voice calls from below.

 

Your eyes drift to a small boy and his father, who meet your gaze. You offer a polite smile and a wave. The boy squeals in excitement from a top of his father’s shoulders and waves excitedly back.

 

“I can’t believe we got to see her,” the father whispers in awe as the begin to walk away.

 

You can’t help the warm feeling that spreads over your face. Perhaps it was a bit conceded of you, but you did so enjoy when you were given attention. When your people were in awe of you.  Your sister often called you out on your more philanthropic actions, correctly, stating that your motive for helping people often derived from wanting to receive the adulation that would inevitably come. You’d shrugged her off at the time, and you probably would now. It wasn’t a lie, you did love to be worshiped, but if it was for the benefit of your people, who could it harm?

 

“So this is where you’ve retreated to,” a voice calls.

 

Startled, you turn quickly around only to find yourself face to face with deep brown eyes.

 

 

“H-how did you get here?” You question confusedly.

 

“I’ve linked our minds,” he says rather plainly, as if it were not particularly interesting. “Why did you run here?”

 

“What do you mean you’ve linked our minds?” You questioned with furrowed eyebrows. “When I called for you, you didn’t answer, how are you here now?”

 

“That won’t happen again, not now.” He said approaching you, “I won’t be able to block you out even if I wanted to, I’d have to shut myself off from the force completely.”

 

“Why would you do that?” You ask quietly, your heart pounds slightly at the implications. “You know what the Supreme Leader will say.”

 

He doesn’t say anything and a for a moment you can see the conflict rising in those deep brown eyes of his. His gloved hand comes up to cup your cheek, he runs his thumb over the smooth skin and you can’t help but lean into his touch and let the warmth of it run over you.

 

“Your mine,” He says finally after some thought. There is a finality to his tone, as if his words offer you some sort of explanation that you should be satisfied with. More than likely, however, it was most likely how he was justifying the actions that he’d taken to himself.  He’d be punished for this, you both knew it. As much as Snoke wanted you to bear this man a child, he also wanted him to be able to cut you from his life at will. This connection between your minds, this link, would make it nearly impossible for Kylo to be able to do that.

 

“All right,” you say with a smile. “I’m yours and you are mine.”

 

He looks at you with rather strange look on his face, as if he was silently commenting on the obviousness of the remark.

 

You let out small chuckle and push yourself up on the tips of your toes. He doesn’t hesitate to lean down and press his lips against yours. A feeling of warmth pools in your belly as you smile into the rather chaste kiss.

 

You pull away for him and give him a smile, “I supposed we should go back.”

 

He opens his mouth to say something but before he can your eyes open. Your eyes flutter for a moment, reacting to the rather uncomfortable stinging.  You begin to try and sit up but your quickly pushed back down, face being crushed uncomfortably into the rough fabric of a familiar robe.

 

You look up to see your husband looking with a slight frown on his face.

 

“Tell me.”

 

Your eyes buck in surprise, you hear his voice but his mouth hadn’t moved.

 

“The link,” his voice echoes in your head.

 

You nod with acceptance. You are unsure if the words come from your mouth or your head but they spill forth in a river, “Hux, he said something awful.”

 

***

General Hux sat in office, reading through files on his data pad. As much as he hated to admit it, the girl had been right about his Stormtroopers. Looking over the data from the latest unit that had failed to return with Ren. While their scores were impeccable in training, it seemed as if once they steeped in to the actual battle, they almost couldn’t perform up to par. They weren’t terrible, but they certainly weren’t fit for galatic conquest. He’d have to talk to Phasma about moving her training to a more practical venue, perhaps on site training would be appropriate.

 

“Sir!”

 

It’s his aide. Why does she sound so panicked?

 

“What’s wrong?” He asks expecting the woman to simply to open the door and walk in but she doesn’t.

 

“Sir, help me!” She screeches through the door.

 

He quickly pushes himself away from the desk and is out of the door quickly.

 

“What’s going on?” The question tumbles forth his lips before he can stop himself.

 

The young aide looks at him with wide terror filed eyes, her skin beginning to pale the longer they stare at each other. Then suddenly, she lets out a squeal of pain, and her neck snaps to the side. He body hangs limply in the air for a moment before it falls to the ground.

 

The general stands there slightly stunned, his nose wrinkles as the bile rises in his belly. His eyes trail up from the body to look forward at the visage of one of the only other beings besides the Supreme Leader who would have ability to perform such a cruel task.

 

His arm is back by his side when his voice leaks out, distorted from his mask, “‘I wonder if General Hux will let me leave early to prepare for tonight.’ That was her last thought, before I came in, in case you were wondering.”

 

Kylo’s long legs hurriedly take him to the door, he pauses as it hisses open, “Don’t make my wife upset again, General.”


	2. 2

It’s strange to say that you’ve seen a Stormtrooper looking hurried. It’s strange to say you’ve seen a Stormtrooper looking any kind of way at all really, their unreadable uniformed masks made it impossible, but this one you could.

 

He’d slightly jumped when your hand reached out between the transport doors, stopping it before it could descend toward the docking area. And when he’d seen you and Tierssa there waiting to enter the vehicle he nearly jumped out of his suit, causing you to chuckle.

 

“Sorry, ma’am,” he said quickly moving to the side of the carriage and out of your way, giving you a wide berth, as if simply being close enough to touch you would be a crime.

 

“It’s all right,” you say with another chuckle, causing Tierssa to laugh with you. “Let’s hurry to our destination, though, shall we?”

 

“R-right of course,” he says quickly hitting the button to close the door.

 

The elevator begins moving down and strange tension filled the room.

 

“What’s your name?” You question quickly and almost bite your tongue for forgetting yourself, “Ah, forgive me, your designation number.”

 

“FN-2187, ma’am,” he says quickly.

 

“It’s not often I see late Stormtroopers, FN-2187,” you comment looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

He pauses and you know that if you could see his eyes, he’d be looking between you and Tierssa worriedly, scared that he’d be in trouble.

 

“Don’t worry,” you soothe, “I’m not a monster.”

 

At your behest, his shoulders slacken slightly, “I’m not a fighter, ma’am, I’m a janitor.”

 

“Ah,” you say with a nod of understanding, “And this would be your first foray, it is understandable to be nervous. But Phasma has trained you all well, hasn’t she?”

 

At the mention of the chrome Capitan he visibly stiffens again, and you once again chuckle, he’s so lively.

 

“Impeccably,” he says in a practiced answer.

 

The elevator comes to stop with a silent thud and the doors slowly begin to hiss open.

 

“Well, remember this, FN- 2187, if all else fails, hide somewhere and let my husband take care of the rest,” you say it with a wink and then hold out your arm. “Here escort me, that can be your excuse, we wouldn’t want you to get in too much trouble for being late, would we?”

 

“No! Of course not!” He says slipping his arm through yours.

 

You pull him slightly and the three of you exit the transport into the hangar. You can feel the uneasiness in the air before you can even see him, everyone is ramrod straight at attention, and as you work your way further in toward the docking bay, FN- 2187 grows physically tense.

 

You pat his hand in a motherly fashion, “He’s not that scary.”

 

“Capitan Phasma is.”

 

You stifle a smirk as you come upon the group. There stood a tall figure, covered in chrome and draped in a black cloak, arms never moving from their upright position, carefully cradling her weapon.

 

You don’t see him, your husband, but if the large black ship is any indication, he’s most likely already inside.

 

“My lady,” Phasma greets with a nod as you slip your arm from the Stormtrooper and allow him to quietly to slip into line.

 

“Such finely trained men you have here Phasma,” You say with a smile. “Without FN- 2187, I never would have made it here.”

 

“I strive for excellence, my lady.”

 

“And excellence is achieved,” you say with a smirk. You wonder if she knows your making fun of her. “I’ll just be a moment and then you all can do what you have to.”

 

“Of course, ma’am.”

 

Tiressa escorts you to the ramp and stays next to it as you make your way into the ship.

 

It doesn’t take you long to find him, he’s sitting off to the side in a small room, separate from the main compartment of the ship.

 

When you enter he doesn’t raise his head to greet you, but he does speak, “You were sleeping.”

 

“Do you think I would have minded if you would have woken me up?”

 

“You need rest,” he says simply.

“Saying ‘goodbye or be safe’ only takes me seconds.”

 

“I’d rather not disturb you.”

 

He’s a wall, you determine, mind made up. He stands suddenly causing you to take a step back. His gloved had comes up to your cheek and thumb running over your cheek bone in an affectionate manner. Despite it being gloved, you can’t help but lean into the faint warmth underneath.

 

“I’m fine now,” you mumble.

 

“Physically,” he says plainly, inflection hidden by his mask. “But I feel you.”

 

You don’t say anything and for a moment your thoughts turn dark, despair running through them like a current. Feeling the change, Kylo uses his other arm to embrace you, winding around your waist and pulling you closer to his form.  Your hands curl into the fabric of his robe and you pull yourself closer to him, inhaling his scent.

 

“You seem so small,” He comments offhandedly.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“You have such big ambitions,” he says. “But you seem smaller than when you first told them to me.”

 

You remain silent, lips pulling down into a frown, unsure if he is making a simple observation or taking the time to insult you.  Either way it doesn’t make you feel good.

 

“Its only temporary.”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

You detangle yourself from him, “I hope you’re successful this time.”

 

“I will be.”

 

“I know.”

 

You pull completely away from him and begin to exit the ship. Once you’re down the ramp again, Tiressa is quickly at your side.

 

You give a passing nod to Phasma and soon you’re out of the hangar and back in the transport.

 

“To your room?” Tiressa asks.

“Yes, and send for the medical officer.”

 

***

“You’re recovering well, my lady,” the young nurse starts looking over your chart. “Only slight bit of anemia, but a healthy diet will remedy that.”

 

“It took you hours to tell me that,” you ask with a raised eyebrow. “I’ve might have missed the fun.”

 

“I’m sorry, my lady. We’ve been ordered to run very extensive tests.”

 

“I supposed I don’t need to ask who ordered such a thing.”

 

“I imagine not.”

 

Straightening the front of the heavy gown you find yourself rather subconsciously resting your hands on the lower part of your abdomen, “Have you been able to find any medical reason, for my condition.”

 

“Some are more sensitive than others, my lady. Perhaps when you first find out, bedrest would be best. Reduce the stress you put your body under.”

 

“So, the answer is no then.” You say with a frown.

 

“You are healthy in every way, my lady,” She confirms.

 

“And therefore, no clinical reason that I should not be able to bear children.”

 

She doesn’t say anything and you give her a curt nod and wave of the hand. Soon she’s gone and your left in the dark room you share with your husband alone.

 

In the dark, your thoughts came clear to you.  It would only be a matter of time before Snoke would realize, that in his eyes at least, you were worthless. You’d be disposed of, and replaced, and no matter how much affection you husband had for you, you’d doubted he’d had the ability or willingness to against Snoke for you. Not yet.

 

You take in a deep breath. Your best hope would be to keep the losses a secret for now, something you positive that both you and Kylo could do, but you weren’t sure he would if Snoke asked.

 

“Oh,” you say with a slight jump feeling a pressure begin to press down upon you.

 

Your gaze turns to the door of your quarters and not a second later does it open.

 

“You’re back, were you successful?”

 

Kylo stands there, fists slightly clenched, shoulders tensed slightly. He couldn’t project louder if he wanted to.

 

“A BB unit?” You question with raised eyebrow. “How cute.”

 

“When they find the droid and the map I’ll give it to you, perhaps you’ll like it better than my last gift.”

 

The snippiness of his tone surprises you, until he removes his helmet and you see a slight smirk pulled across those full lips of his.

 

“It’s not every day a girl is given a person as a present, my dear. Even you have to know how strange that was.”

 

“You’ve freed her, what does it matter?” He questions moving about the room. He places his helmet down and approaches.

 

“It matters for the future,” you say and again your hand finds its way down to your abdomen. You realize the mistake the moment you make it.

 

“Are you?” He questions turning your body to face his. His dark eyes search yours with slight worry and excitement.

 

“No,” you say solemnly. “And while we are at war, I probably won’t get pregnant. The medical officers say that the stress is making my body rather inhospitable.”

 

“A lie,” he says quickly as a gloved finger curls around a lock of your hair. “I’ve been welcomed in various times and always found my stay enjoyable.”

 

You rather surprised at the lewd suggestion, and your even more surprised at the way certain parts of your body clenches at his words.

 

“T-that’s not what she meant.”

 

He opens his mouth to respond before his eyes shoot off to the side as he glares almost angrily at the ceiling.

 

“What is it?” You question brow furrowing and placing a worried hand on his chest.

 

“Listen,” he shushes.

 

You close your eyes and listen obediently, its faint, especially considering where your quarters are in the Finalizer but you know what it is.

 

“Are they firing on something,” you question looking up at your husband confusedly, “Who would dare?”

 

“I doubt we are being attacked.” He says pulling away from you rather violently, anger consuming his form. “More likely those fools have let him escape.”

 

“Him?” you question with a raised eyebrow, watching as he presses his helmet back on to his face.

 

“My prisoner!” He shouts leaving the room. The door hissing shut behind him.

 

“Well, that’s not good.”

***

“FN-2187?” You question looking at Tierssa, with raised eyebrows. “He seemed jumpy, but I wouldn’t have expected this.”

 

“I heard Mitaka report it to Kylo myself, My lady.”

 

“You didn’t happen to overhear what the next course of action would be did you.”

 

“Track them,” she says with a slight shrug.

 

“That would be the obvious,” you reply with a roll of your own eyes. “Likely after, if we are successful, we’ll return to Starkiller Base, and Hux will finally get to test his big gun.”

 

“So soon?” She looks at you with a questioning glance. “How does he even know that it won’t kill us all when he fires it?”

 

“He doesn’t, but he’ll take any opportunity he can to try and try and write the republic from the galaxy.”

 

“You don’t sound too excited about the possibility of a republic free galaxy.”

 

“I’m not,” you say taking a seat on one of the couches. “An empire won through force must be maintained through force. A perpetual war that will never end.”

 

“It sounds like you prefer the republic,” Tierssa states raising a skeptical eyebrow.

 

“I’d rather die than let those idiots have ‘control.’ No, those lazy slugs are even more useless than the old Republic. I’m saying the First Order has the right idea, the galaxy does need a singular source of power, they’re just going about it the wrong way. The more that they force themselves on the galaxy, the more that people will rebel. A takeover should be swift and silent, so that the lessers are none the wiser about what has happened.”

 

“It sounds like you have an idea of how things should be run.”

 

“I do,” you say with a roll of your eyes. “I’m just not in the position to-“

 

You stop mid-sentence as a wave of irrational anger comes over you.

 

“Are you all right, my lady?” Tiressa question with dark furrowed eyebrows.

 

You hold your hand up to silence her as words that aren’t your own tumble through your mind.

 

_“…Han Solo.”_ It’s the Supreme Leader voice you realize.

 

_“He means nothing to me.”_ It’s Kylo’s.

 

“ _Even you, master of the Knights of Ren, has never face such a test.”_ You can’t see the supreme leader, is voice is muddled slightly, most likely because mind you are hearing him through isn’t your own, but Kylo’s thoughts come in clearly, as if they were your own.

 

_“I will not be seduced.”_ He says and thinks it with a resolution that you both no isn’t there, and you are quite sure that Snoke knows it as well.

 

“You need to leave Tiressa,” you say with a slightly clipped tone.

 

She opens her slightly pouty lips to respond, but she sees the look in your eyes and she shuts it. She gives an obedient nod and she’s out of your quarters quickly. You’re glad she listened, that temper of hers seems to be quickly coming under heel which is a good thing.  A rebellious spirit wouldn’t do well in such a rigid atmosphere.

***

You can feel him before you can hear the thunderous stomps. If the doors didn’t open automatically you imagined that he would have blasted them open.

 

He walks into the room and you open your mouth to greet him, but he doesn’t stop. Instead he continues his long strides into your bedroom and then beyond that into the special room, where he kept that infernal helmet of his.

 

Once the door hisses shut, you quietly pad over to the door and press your ears to it. You can hear him pacing. He stops for a moment only to take, what seems like, a violent seat on the the chair in the room. He’s breathing so heavily you can hear the distorted sound of his breaths coming from the room through the thick door.

 

Suddenly the breathing stops and it is quiet in the room until his voice begins, “Forgive me, I feel it again; the call to the light. Supreme leader senses it. Show me again, the power of the darkness and I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me, grandfather, and I will finish what you started.”

 

You pull your ear away from the door, eyes brows slightly furrowed. Is he seeking counsel from that cursed thing once again? What is it saying to him? You know you have nothing to do with whatever he’s getting from that mask, not since you touched it that last time. You bite your lip in concern, everyone who knows the story about Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader knows that Luke turned the sith lord back to the light, so whatever advice he is getting is not of his grandfather, not really.

 

‘ _What does he mean by the pull to the light?’_ you think to yourself moving to toward the bed. You had known good and well that there had been a conflict in Kylo Ren, you had sensed. While there is never any hesitancy in his actions, it always seemed as though he did not enjoy taking the orders to carry them out. You assumed the conflict was that he knew that he could be more than what he was relegated to be in the first order, he wanted to be more than a simple enforcer, more than a thug with special powers.

 

This “pull to the light” was something you had no knowledge of, not in his mind nor personally. You never felt _wrong_ when you used your gifts, even when you acted out of anger or harmed another, you had always been at peace with your decisions.  There was nothing light or dark about the way you used the force, it just was. But who knows, maybe you have been interpreting the lessons your father had taught you wrong. He was no Jedi after all, nor was he a sith. You weren’t even sure how strong your father was with the force, but he taught you that as long as you had control over yourself and your actions, then you would not be swayed easily one way or another unless you allowed yourself to be.

 

What did Kylo learn that left him feeling confused and pained? Or perhaps what didn’t he learn that could have prevented such a tearing?

 

The door hisses open and your eyes cut your husband with slight shock, you’d been deep in your thoughts and he had come out rather abruptly.

 

He cocks his head at you questioningly, wondering if you had been eavesdropping on his prayer.

 

“Aren’t you going to greet me properly?” You ask with a quirked head of your own. He pauses for a moment before reaching up and pressing his thumbs to the bottom of the helmet. It hisses as the mouth opens and pulls away from his face. He walks over to desk and slams his helmet down.

 

His dark hair falls on to his shoulders and he turns to look at you. You have to bite your lip to keep a smile from crossing your face. You wonder if he knew how boyish he looks when he first takes his mask off? Especially if he has worn it for an extended period of time. His hair sticks to his forehead and his cheeks are flushed from the heat. Hardly looking the nearly thirty years he is.

 

His brow furrows, as if he can hear your light and airy thoughts, and you stop yourself from thing as if as you remember that he can, thanks to the connection that the both of you have forged.

 

You’ll scold yourself later for being careless.

 

“Are you unwell?” You ask wanting to take your mind off of the slightly teasing thoughts.

 

“Supreme Leader, he is expecting a lot from me, he doubts that I’ll succeed in my mission.”

 

“To find Luke Skywalker, or to kill this Han Solo?” You question tentatively.

 

He looks at you with stormy dark eyes when the last name slips from your lips and you can feel this unbridled range of emotion run through you.

 

“I’ve never asked,” you start quietly, “But who is Luke Skywalker to you?”

 

A heavy dark brow raises questioningly as he beings to remove his robe.

 

“The mask, you told me it was your grandfathers mask. Darth Vader was Luke’s father correct? Is Luke yours?”

 

“No,” he says simply as he comes to sit next to you on your large shared bed. “He is my uncle.”

 

“Uncle,” you muse watching as he begins to rid himself of his heavy boots. “If I recall correctly, there was a rumor going around that Princess Leia Organa was his sister.”

 

“She is,” he replies bluntly again not looking at you as he organizes his boots neatly. He then begins to take his thick tunic off, revealing his well-muscled but still lean form. The robes he wears do not do him justice.

 

“Princess Leia then, General Organa, the leader of the resistance is your mother.”

 

His dark eyes meet your, this time he doesn’t have to say anything to confirm your question.

 

“And this Han Solo?”

 

‘ _Must you ask?_ ’ His lips don’t move, you can hear his voice in your head. Almost pleading you to stop prying.

 

‘Forgive me,’ you respond in kind. To show him you mean it you hold out your arms in a welcoming fashion, nonverbally asking him to come rest with you.

 

He looks at you skeptically eyes flashing from your face to your waiting arms. This was hard from him, you know it. Non-sexual intimacy was something that he still didn’t quite understand, but as you begin to learn more about him, the clues to why begin to make sense in your head.

 

‘ _Come,’_ you call with your mind. ‘ _Rest.’_

 

He shakes off his hesitation and stalks to your form on the bed carefully.  It doesn’t take much for him to find his way in between your legs head resting on your chest and eyes closed as you run your fingers through his thick hair.

 

It’s silent for a moment, no sound other than the inhale and exhale of your breath.

 

“You’re practically royalty, aren’t you?” you say with a light tone, hopping to pull him out of the dark place that he has clearly fallen into. ‘ _Were they cruel to you?’_

 

He doesn’t open any eyes to respond, ‘ _Not in the way that you’re thinking.’_

‘But they were,’ you say resolving your suspicion. Your head droops slightly and your cheek presses into the messy mop of his head.

 

_‘They betrayed me,_ ’ he confirms.

 

_‘And you want revenge, but they are still your family.’_

 

He doesn’t respond and you know you are right.

 

_‘When the time comes, I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.’_

 

***

She’s warm. That’s what she feels like. When he closes his eyes, he can’t see her, but he can feel her her warmth. Even if he isn’t near her he can feel her, it’s the bond. He thought that he would regret it, but he doesn’t. It’s the one thing his life that doesn’t offer him confusion. When it’s just the two of them like this, he feels normal, like he isn’t being pulled in either direction, because she accepts him as the person that is presented to her.

 

He opens a dark eye to stare at her face. Eyes, closed she seems like she is in deep thought and he can feel that she is. It is a type of sadness that’s foreign to him. Empathy? She isn’t sad because she’s been hurt but because he has. It’s strange.

 

He can hear her, in her mind, running through memories of her own childhood and imagining what his must have been like. Her thoughts go to some dark places, things he knows he should correct her on, but he doesn’t. He knows it’s wrong, but he enjoys her pity, if it led to more moments like this, where he is the primary focus of her attention, would it be so bad to mislead her? It’s not like he wasn’t abandoned or betrayed by his family, he was, there is no lie in that.

 

A frown pulls down on her full lips and he lifts his hand up to her face. Her eyes open quickly at his touch and she leans into his fingers. His heart pounds at the smile she gives him. He can’t smile back, he doesn’t know how to, but he does us his finger to rub affectionately at her

cheek.

 

She leans down and press a kiss to his lips in return. Warmth, her warmth he determines, blooms run through him, and almost instinctively he tangles his hand in the hair at the nape of her neck and pulls her rather forcefully down to him.

 

She chuckles at the action, as she realizes that he doesn’t know how to express himself in any other way, that he couldn’t be gentle if he tried. Almost as if he is a child and she knows that she has more to teach him. He doesn’t mind it though, the slight condescension in her thoughts.  As he flips their position so that he is on top of her, sliding up her dress over her shapely leg, and her fingers run over his back dig in slightly to the flesh of his skin, a pleasure runs through him. She can teach him more about that feeling, he wouldn’t mind being taught as if he was a child, especially if it would mean that it would lead to more things like this.

 

As their bodies move in unison and her lips part in a gasping airy sigh, he buries his head in her shoulder, savoring the softness of her flesh and how good she feels against him. He doesn’t know what to call this feeling, its strong and on some levels it disturbs him.

 

As they come down from their high and she offers him another one of her smiles, this one slightly hazier than the last, but does the same to make his heart race, he pulls her too him. She gladly presses herself against his chest, and lets out a slightly happy sigh. He can’t bring himself to do the same, because a wave of…worry? Worry passes through him.

 

 

They want power, both she and the Supreme Leader ache for it.  It would be a lie to say that he didn’t was well, but the Supreme Leader is his master, the one who had shown him how to attain the power that he already possesses, and part of that means abandoning and discarding your weaknesses. What was this woman, his wife, if not a weakness? Thrust upon him by the same man would likely have him discard her once she fulfilled her role. He knows however, that as he has already claimed her as his own, he wouldn’t be able to do it as easily as he once would have.

 

If she were awake, he knows what she would say. That the Supreme Leader is simply creating conflict where there need be none, to remove the man from the board and choose his own path. He likes the idea, as while he respects him he has no like for the Supreme Leader, but he needs him. To teach him how to use the power that she believes that he has. And even if he wanted to, he doubted he had the ability to remove Snoke the way she wanted.

 

He looks down at her, soft sighs spilling from her slight parted mouth, and he tangles his fingers in her hair much the way she had done his earlier.

 

Perhaps she offers more conflict than what previously believed.


	3. 3

 “You’re are going back to Star Killer base,” He says watching you from the bed.

 

You pause your action and turn to look back at him with a quizzical look in your eye. You place your small brush back on your vanity. “Why?”

 

“It’s better that way,” he says rather flatly. “We’ll be encountering the resistance soon, I can feel it.”

 

“You have a lead on the droid then?”

 

“There is only so many places that the scum can hide, we’ve narrowed it down to the most plausible one.”

 

“I see, but why can’t I come with you?”

 

“It’ll be a raid,” he says truthfully. “In your condition, it would be best for you to stay somewhere safe and out of trouble.

 

“‘My condition,’” you scoff, rolling your eyes at him. “I’m fine now. Why can’t I ever go with you?  It is boring staying in the ship or on the base.”

 

“Strange, considering that your ambitions would require you to do those things.”

 

“Normally you would be right, but at the current moment, I cannot act on my ambitions can I?”

 

“You may never get the chance to act on them. Supreme Leader is wise and powerful, the things you are planning, he’ll see through them.” he says watching your face looking to see what your reaction would be.

 

He is slightly surprised when a smirk crosses your face.

 

“Such power often leads to hubris,” you begin, “And that can be exploited, easily. It does not matter how powerful a person is. If someone chooses to ignore an enemy just because they are weaker than they are, it is likely that they will end up with a knife in the back.”

 

“You plan to be that knife then?”

 

“Perhaps,” you muse, “However, there are always other options.”

 

His eyes narrow in confusion and when he figures out what you are thinking, an amused quirk to his lips appears.

 

“You want me to do your dirty work for you?” He questions, he’s slightly surprised at your audacity.

“No,” you say your lips pulling down into a slight frown. “You are a man who makes his own decisions, whatever my own actions I would never force you take part, unless it was something that you wanted to do. I just want you to be ready when the time comes.”

 

“Time for what?” He questions.

 

“For you to become the Supreme Leader, my dear.”

 

_‘Treason,_ ’ it’s a sharp thought that runs through your mind, and you realize that he doesn’t say it out loud, as if it would save him from what would occur if Snoke found out what he had been thinking.

 

_‘It’s an inevitable reality,_ ’ you counter back. _‘You are strong Kylo Ren, and it is why you are his apprentice, why he chose you. He saw your power and he took the opportunity, to take it for himself. And the reason is obvious, although he is a threat to you now, there will be a point in which not even he will be able to stop you. You will become more than even what your grandfather was, you won’t be taken the orders, you’ll be giving you.’_

 

He pauses, eyes conflicted, something that you almost genuinely felt bad about, the boy was confused enough about his role as it was, and here you were adding to it.

 

“You speak as if the force allows you to see into the future.”

 

“It doesn’t,” you say with a smile. “But once I set my mind to something I won’t stop until I have achieved it. I’ve set my goals on building a lasting empire, and ruling it accordingly. Now that we are married, I would never think to leave you behind.”

***

“It’s always so cold here,” Tiressa comments with a frown. “Why couldn’t we use a different planet for a base?”

 

“We,” you ask pausing your footsteps, snow crunching under your feet. “When did the First Order become ‘we’ to you?”

 

Her pale cheeks redden and her light brown eyes shift away from you in slight embarrassment, “It was an accident.”

 

“Just an accident?” You question as you begin to walk again, your gloved fingers tracing over the sleek red petals of the snow roses. The fauna that arose on this frigid world all mirrored glass in some way, except for the trees. The small areas of flowers you had found had all had a crystal like sheen on them, they were breathtaking.

 

“I suppose,” she gives in with a sigh, “That there came a point where a realized that I would probably never see home again, that my life here with you would be it, I should have been angry, but I wasn’t, I just thought ‘that wouldn’t be so bad.’”

 

“Hmm,” you say with a wry smile. “So, I’ve grown on you have I?”

 

She comes closer to you and laces her arm through yours in a more affectionate way that you are used to, “I already told you that I think you could do some real good when you sit in that big throne you’ve got your eyes on, and I meant it.”

 

“I’m glad you’ve put so much faith in me.”

 

“It’s mostly because you’re the only one that doesn’t seem like a complete genocidal maniac.”

 

“Complete?” You question with a raised eyebrow.

 

“In the mess hall they still talk about the time you snapped that guys neck.”

 

“Oh?” You ask with a slight grimace.

 

“You have a fan though,” she says as you both turn a corner heading back into the main hub of the base. “Well he’s a fan of you and sir-mopes-a-lot.”

 

“A fan?”

 

“A radar technician, Matt or something. He says he was there when snapped that guys neck. He called it ‘cool.’” She makes air quotes with her fingers. “Also, he said Ren was ‘shredded’ and had an ‘eight-pack.’”

 

“How would he know that,” you mumble to yourself.

 

“It’s true?!” She questions in shock her free hand coming up to come up over her mouth. “Who would have thought.”

 

“You’ll have to introduce me, I want to talk to this Matt.” It’s always good to reward those who are loyal.

 

“Sure, no problem.”

 

“My lady,” a voice calls from behind you. You pause and turn around to see a young officer looking at you. She gives you a curt nod. “General Hux’s demonstration is about to begin, I’m to escort you and your companion to the viewing area.”

 

“Demonstration?” You question eyes flashing over to Tierssa’s who shakes her head in confusion.

“The weapon, my lady,” she clarifies. “He’ll be testing it.”

 

“ _The_ weapon, for what purpose?” You question out loud. “Are we under attack? Has the republic formally declared war?”

 

The young officer hesitates, “I’m not aware of the circumstance, my lady, I’m just following orders.”

 

“Of course,” you say taking the time to recover yourself. “Take me to him.”

***

It’s important to remain cordial with those who wrong you, especially when your place of power isn’t secured. However, you couldn’t hold your tongue when you saw the large display in front. The viewing platform was filled with various high ranking officers, many of whom you had seen before at the council meeting. In an even larger number, storm troopers were in their formation facing a toward the platform and the podium that you presumed that Hux would use to begin speaking.

 

You spot the red headed general, talking with an official that you are unfamiliar with, and walk over to him.

 

“Good afternoon, general,” you start with a polite smile. The officer rakes his eyes across your form as if he was trying to place you in mind. “This is a lot of fanfare, for a test.”

 

General Hux opens his mouth to respond, but the office beats him to it, “Who do you belong to, girl.”

 

Your eyes cut from the pale blues of the general, to the dark eyes of the older man. His faced was scrunched, frown pulling at his lips and his eyes were hard like stone.

 

“Belong to?” You question with a faux polite smile, “That’s no way to speak to someone above your station.”

 

“Station?” He mocks with a slight guffaw, eyes flickering down to the chest of your dark woolen dress, “You have no station.”

 

“This is the wife of Kylo Ren,” the general quickly intervenes, “And the daughter of one of our mineral supplies, the war lord. She was also at our last meeting, Admiral Kynes.”

 

“Ahh,” Kynes says rolling his eyes up as if he is trying to remember and he’ll find the memory. “The unruly girl who made the out of turn outburst.”

 

“You call me unruly and yet you seem to lack all manner, Admiral,” You respond quickly.

 

“Yes, well, I don’t give respect based on titles, what have you done, besides be born to earn my respect.”

 

General opens his mouth up to intervene, but you hold up a practiced hand to silence the man.

 

“You are so right Admiral. Allow me to show you why I deserve respect.”

 

Your fingers twitch at your side, and almost instantly the man begins to pull at his collar, twisting and coughing as his skin begins to turn a bright red.

 

“Stop this,” Hux hisses at you, pale blue eyes wandering over the crowd of ranking officers, some of whom are beginning to look this way.

 

“Don’t worry, general,” you start with a slight drawl, “I’m not going to kill him, this conversation won’t take long.”

 

The Admiral coughs as you squeeze your fingers together lightly, keeping his wind pipe open enough to the point where he won’t lose all of his oxygen.

 

“Spit it out then!”

 

“This is an awful large amount of fanfare for a _test,_ Hux. What are you actually doing?”

 

He leans back with a smirk on his face looking at you as if he has the upper hand against you.

 

“The Supreme Leader has sanctioned at test. And that test will be on the seat of power of the republic.”

 

You drop your concentration in shock of what he has admitted, “You’re going to destroy the Senate?”

 

“I will end the tyranny of the republic today.”

 

“That’s billions of people, Hux,” You stating that we give in to the understanding of just how just how much damage he would do. “And for what reason? Isn’t Kylo going to retrieve this map at this very moment? What will destroying the senate gain?”

 

“A galaxy free from its leaders and ripe for the taking,” He says looking at you with a raised eyebrow. “I thought that you would enjoy this, weren’t you the one saying we needed to make sure that the people relied on us? Who will they have to turn to when the republic is gone.”

 

“But not like this,” You say with a shake of you head. “The only way to build a lasting empire is with the consent of those who will be ruled. Like this you will simply drive the galaxy further into the arms of the resistance.”

 

“Or I will teach them to fear us, and why they should submit.”

 

“If you do this, Hux, you’ll be setting us up for our own downfall, please reconsider,” you beg.

 

“It’s already been sanctioned,” he says turning away from you a small smile of victory on his lips. “You don’t have to stay and watch.”  


He moves away from you toward the podium. Your fist squeezes in irritation. You look over the Stormtroopers gathered in the yard once again and with a shake of your head you head back inside.

 

Waiting just behind the heavy metal door, Tiressa was there waiting for you, a hopeful look on her face.

 

“Were you able to stop him?”

 

You avert your eyes away from her, a sinking feeling in your chest, “No.”

 

She bites her lip and worriedly glances at one of the windows, “So somewhere out there, billions of people are going to die.”

 

Your eyes follow her gaze and all you can do is nod.

 

You both mutely move over to watch.

 

It’s not long before Hux’s voice begins to ring through the entire base, however, you can barely hear him. Soon, the base begins to shake and Tiressa grabs onto your arm and buries her head into it; you can feel the familiar dampness of tears stain the sleeve of your gown. You watch solemnly as streaks of red flash against the sky. They split off into five arms, each hitting a planet in the Hosnian system, where the republic home lies.

 

In seconds billions of people are gone. A feeling washes over you, as if you had been punched in the stomach. The galaxy feels emptier.                                                                                                                                                                

***

 

You wait for him to return, but when he does, he doesn’t come to your room. Your mind reaches out to him, but he doesn’t acknowledge your presence. He’s infatuated with something, someone, and it’s certainly not the droid he was supposed to retrieve.

 

You want him there though, to comfort you. Perhaps you weren’t cut out to be the leader you wanted to be. Hux slaughtered all of those people, no hesitation, you doubted you could do such a thing. Your first instinct tended be one of negotiation, but these people here, all they seemed to understand was violence. They respected nothing but pain and death, torture on occasion. That’s not what you wanted your empire to be. You wanted it better, an almost benevolent leadership with absolute control. Could you do such a thing? Not with the way things were, and in order to change things, you would most likely have to do what Hux did.

_‘Clear out the competition,_ ’ you think biting your lip.

 

Snoke’s death was an inevitable part of your plan, maybe Hux too, after all he seemed the type to plot revenge or to shoot you while your back is turned. The rest of the leadership however, would they all have to go? It may be likely, especially if they are like that Admiral Kynes.

 

With a sigh you stood from your bed and reached for your data pad, to call for Tierssa, but change your mind. She seemed very distraught at the exhibition that had taken place earlier, and you doubted that she was feeling that this place was ‘we’ oriented.

 

You reach for Kylo again, hoping that he would answer, but he doesn’t. You can feel anger, and you can hear his disjointed thoughts. ‘ _A girl strong with the force, who resisted his probing.’_ It sounds insane to you, especially as the girl seemed to be a novice.

 

_‘Bring her to me’_

That wasn’t Kylo’s voice, it was Snoke’s. With a grimace you realize that he is not exaggerating, especially if he is worried enough to bring the matter to Snoke.

 

You realize that you will need to deal with your…grief? Pity? Worry? Yes, all of those things alone. You leave your chambers and wonder aimlessly across the base. Your greeted with the usual salute, a “ma’am” or a “my lady”, but you pay no head.

 

You need to be alone, perhaps it would be nice to visit those flowers once again? It’s late, and the sun will be setting soon, but there is always lights on the outside of the base. Your gown had heavy knitted sleeves and an overcoat so you didn’t worry about the cold.

 

Your feet bring you to an area that is almost suspiciously under populated with guards. A tingle goes down your spine, when you hear whispers of voices, and a growling? Had someone snuck a pet onto the base?

 

You turn the corner and you let out a gasp in shock. There four people? Standing in the middle of your hallway. An older man who’s pointing at you with wide eyes. A girl with strange buns on the back her head is embracing a boy with a brown leather jacket, but they rip apart when they see you, taking rather defensive stances, the girl pointing a clearly stolen blaster at you. The last is a tall harry being, who is also pointing some sort of weapon at you, and vocalizing at you warningly.

 

“Is that a Wookie?” You question approaching the foursome, your eyes trained on the large creature. “I never thought I would get to see one.”

 

They relax slightly as you star infatuated with the being, all except the boy.

 

“May I?” you question with a smile, motioning to the fur on the Wookie’s hand. The nameless being looks over his group before he gives you a shrug. Your hands burry themselves in the warm fur on the Wookie’s arm. “Amazing.”

 

“Look lady-“ The older man starts blaster still trained on you.

 

“Solo!” The boy hisses calling him over.

 

“What, kid? We don’t have time for this,” He hisses.

 

‘Solo?’ You think to yourself eyes running over the man’s form again.

 

“What is it, Finn?” The girl asks quietly, hearing the fear in her friend? Lovers? Voice.

 

“That’s _the_ Lady, his wife,” the boy hisses.

 

His voice sounds familiar.

 

“Who’s?”

 

“Kylo Ren’s.”  


The air seems to fall out of the room and the weapons are handily pointed at you once again, all except the one in the older man’s hand. He looks at you with wide disbelieving eyes, they are almost teary with emotion.

 

You look past him, and continue to examine the boy, his face isn’t familiar. His height and his stance however, you know them well. “You, what’s your designation?”

 

The boy shutters and as if by instinct, “FN-2187, ma’am.” He looks like he wants to slap himself at how quickly he answered you.

 

“That’s right,” you say with a nod, “I had heard that you had deserted us on Jakku and joined the resistance.”

 

There is a pressure an unfamiliar pressure pressing against your mind, it’s forceful and strong but not nearly enough to achieve its goal.

 

Your eyes run over the lightly muscled brunette, and you smirk at how intently her eyes are trained on you, it causes her to lose focus.

 

“You must be the one he brought back, he said you were strong with the force, but to be untrained that was impressive.”

 

“Y-you.”

 

“She has the force,” FN-no, Finn says to the group. “She killed an officer with her mind, but I don’t think she’s going to hurt us.”

 

“You are lucky,” you say backing away from the group. “Finn, is right. I’m in no mood for anymore death, not today.”

 

A wave of anger washes over you, you can hear the screams of ‘ _NO’_ echoing in your mind as if they were being screamed right next to your ear.

 

“You should hurry,” You say pointing down an empty hallway that would lead them outside. Your gaze shifts to the girl, “He knows you’re gone and he’s on the war path.”

 

You turn to return back to your room but a hand shoots out and grabs your wrist. You turn to see the rather imploring glance of the older man, the man who must be Han Solo. There is such worry in his eyes, is this really the man who Kylo was speaking of when he said that his family was cruel to him?

 

“You married my Ben?” He questions lids blinking rather rapidly, as if he was trying to clear up tears.

 

You know who Ben is, you had seen the name tossed around in Kylo’s memories.

 

“No,” you say placing a hand over his in a hopefully comforting manner, “I married Kylo Ren.”

 

You watch the heartbreak roll over his face, and apart of you wishes you could take the words back.

 

“I see,” he says sadly letting go your hand. The Wookie vocalizes in concurrent sadness.

 

“Though I’m sure, that if he were to see his father, Ben may make an appearance.”

 

“What does she mean?” Finn asks the girl quietly.

 

“There is conflict in him, that’s what I sensed,” The girl says as if she realizes something.

 

“You should go,” you say turning, your back to them. “So, I can honestly say that I have no idea where you went.”

 

There are hesitations, a few whispers, but eventually hurried footsteps, that eventually dole out into a soft pitter patter until you don’t hear them anymore.

 

_‘I hope I didn’t give him too much hope.’_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your side really hurts, like a lot.

The shuttle is cramped, and the air thick with the smell of sweat. It was probably the most uncomfortable situation that you had found yourself in since being in the care of the first order. However, as uncomfortable as you were, you were glad that so many had made into the shuttle before Star Killer Base exploded.

You would not miss any piece of the base and its sterile halls. You wouldn't miss the never-ending winters. And you certainly wouldn't miss the invisible churning of a super weapon beneath place where you rested your head.

You weren’t surprised by the fact that the Resistance had the courage to attack you after the Hosnian Prime system, it was where they were hoping to restore proper democracy to the galaxy after all no matter how poorly it ran. You had been against the plan from the beginning, but people rarely listen to a trophy.

You were slightly surprised and looking back on the history of the empire you supposed you shouldn’t have been, that they managed to so easily blow a planet. It seemed as if their hope and courage was more than all of the superior fire power of the First Order could handle.

A body shifts next to you and you nearly scream in pain when a small elbow comes into contact with your body.

Feeling you tense, Tierssa looks up at you with wide, tired, but apologetic eyes. You give her a smile as reassuring as you can muster to put her mind at ease. This isn’t the first time she’s had to abandon her home, you imagine, but there is still a trauma that will be incurred as a result.

‘Trauma,’ you think to yourself rather ruefully. That was a light word for it. Many of these people would never be able to sleep well again. So many of their friends and fellow soldiers had died in a fiery explosion that engulfed an entire planet. That wound doesn’t heal, a person just learns to deal with it.

Your side twitches again and an ache runs through your body again. The pain in your side is so bad that the occasional burning feeling that runs across half of your face seems trivial.

You let out a moan of discomfort and lean your head back against the wall in an effort to get some of the weight off of your side.

‘What in Maker’s name happened to him?’

“Do you need medical attention?”

The question doesn’t come from Tierssa, the way it normally would. Instead, you find yourself looking into the dark eyes of a medical officer that is squished between two large sleeping soldiers. He looks at you with almost doe like eyes, as if he is begging you to say yes. Most likely needing something to keep his hands busy and his mind off of the fact that he nearly everyone he’d likely known for years had died.  
“No, I doubt there is anything you can do to help me,” you hope it didn’t come across as curt as it sounded.

“It just seems like your side hurts,” He tries again. It slightly surprises you at the lack of formality in his tone, but you suppose that at a time like this there is time for a lax adherence to the regulations.

“It’s not my side that’s hurt,” you mutter to yourself.

“Excuse me?” He says not being able to properly hear your response. Even in such a cramped space, the sound was seemingly having a hard time escaping from one end of the shuttle to the other.

As another wave of pain runs over you, you sink your teeth into the thick muscle of your tongue.

“You have any painkillers?” You ask rather loudly, hoping that he would be able to hear you. They wouldn’t stop the pain. It wasn’t your pain to begin with, but enough drugs would hopefully knock you out until Kylo was able to get the medical attention that he needed to stop the both of you from being in excruciating pain.

“Yes!” He says excitedly, clearly eager to be put to work. He leans forward, and he pulls a small case from underneath his seat. Evidently, he was one of the few that had enough time to bring some sort of personal belongings. Opening the small container, he asks, “Can you describe where it hurts?”

“Everywhere,” You respond blankly. As much as you were glad that there was some type of normalcy to be had in even this horrid situation, you weren’t in the mood to play 20 questions. “I just need something to put me out, officer?”

“Holmes, ma’am.”

“Holmes, do you have anything that to do that?”

“Not explicitly,” He says slightly deflated that he wouldn’t be able to diagnose you. “But there a few medicines that come with such a side effect.”

“G-Give me,” Your eyes close and your brow furrows as another wave of pain rolls over you. “The strongest you have.”

He eyes you warily for a moment but eventually he nods, “Hold out your forearm.”

You comply not bothering to open your eyes. It’s only a few seconds later that you feel a needle puncture your skin and a cool numbing sensation quickly spreads from your arm to the various parts of your body.

It’s not long before you start to feel yourself sag as a relaxing feeling spreads through your body, numbing your muscles and muddling your thoughts.

“It’s strange,” Your barely aware of him as he speaks. “I’ve never seen someone smile while in so much pain.”

A heavy lid opens to eye the officer who is carefully putting away his tools.

“I’ve been smiling?” You question.

“Almost the whole time,” he says matter-of-factly.

“I suppose because the pain is a good thing.” You say feeling your world become dark.

“Oh?”

“It means my stupid husband is alive.”

***

“You’ve been summoned,” Tiressa’s voice calls rather hoarsely from the entrance to your quarters.

“Already?” You question in fake surprise as you run a wide comb through your hair. “Though it’s only been four hours since our planet exploded. Though I suppose it is enough time to be berated for incompetence that I didn’t have anything to do with.”

Tiressa comes behind you and takes over the care of your hair. Usually she would have offered at least a chuckle at your sarcasm, but her deep brown eyes and tanned skin are marred by deep purple eyebags. A small reminder about how stressful the entire event had been.

In any other organization you would have been afforded the luxury of time to collect your thoughts after such an ordeal, not here. The First Order worked like well-oiled machine, and that meant there were no time for tears. The moment your shuttle docked on the Supremacy soldiers where quickly debriefed and either assigned new stations or to a disciplinary committee if they had been found to have been lacking in their actions in defense of Starkiller Base. More often than not they were sent down to be disciplined, after all they hadn’t died on the planet, so they didn’t actually try their best, did they?

You were relieved that Tiressa had been spared such interrogation because she belonged to you. However, you weren’t sure how long your luck would last.  
Being summoned by the Supreme Leader after such a failure did not bode well, especially when you were no closer to completing the task he’d assigned you. And though you suspected there were horribly selfish reasons he was interested in your fertility, or lack thereof, at the moment you were in no position to challenge him on the matter.

“Kylo?” You ask her softly forcing your mind to an adjacent subject.

“He’s in the medical wing, and like you suspected, completely sedated.”

‘Which explains why I haven’t experienced any pain since we docked.’

“But they’ll be during surgery soon,” she adds.

“Surgery?!” You question slightly alarmed.

“Apparently,” she starts with a sigh, “He refused the bacta tank before they completely put him out.”

“Well, why don’t they just put him in anyway? Clearly he’s not in his right mind.”

“You’re the only one not afraid that you’re going to get your head cut off, my lady,” She reminds you gently.

“Oh, yes, of course.”

Honestly, you wonder how people would react if you told them that most of the time it’s just bluster.

She backs away from you when she’s finished, eyes nearly falling shut as she tries to stay awake. As you smooth the bottom of your outfit and move to leave the room, you’re slightly surprised to see that she begins to follow you.

“You know you can go to your own room and rest, right? I doubt the Supreme Leader will tolerate your presence.”

‘He barley, tolerates mine.’

“They haven’t assigned me a room yet, I’ve been told that they were unaware that you had taken a personal servant.”

Your lips purse in irritation, knowing that in all likelihood it was a lie. For someone of your position and rank it was normal to have personal staff, and for them to be accommodated. Either someone was messing you or they were messing with her. A problem that can easily be dealt with once you’re finished.  
“Stay here and rest,” you say with a dismissive wave. “When I’m done I’m going to find you the biggest room on this ship and you can have that one.”

“Yours?” She questions rather slyly.

“Besides mine,” You correct quickly. “Most likely Hux’s.”

“He won’t be happy about that.”

“He’s never happy about anything.”

 ***

“I’m cursed.”

The redhead looks at you with furrowed brows and you the urge to slap your hand across your mouth for speaking runs down your spine.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” You say not turning to meet his gaze, and instead choosing to focus on the chrome elevator door in front of you.

“I take it you aren’t going to clarify,” He states, and out of the corner of your eye you can see him very deliberately arch an eye brow.

“Clarify what exactly,” you respond somewhat absently. “I don’t remember saying anything, do you?”

“So, you are going to continue being annoying even now?” He questions.

“Annoying? What’s annoying is warning a room full of warmongering nimrods, that firing a big gun across space isn’t the smartest way to begin running a galactic empire. Only to have a handful of barely organized rebels blow up said gun.”

He opens his mouth to respond, but you cut him off.

“If you’re going to make fun of the fact that I have yet to have a child as the Supreme Leader commanded, I somehow think your mistake is going to overshadow, my little slip-up. Keep in mind I get to be the one to say to the Supreme Leader that I warned against using such impractical weapon. If I’m not mistaken, one might be inclined to believe that I might be better at running military strategy than you are, General.”

It’s quiet and you can feel him thinking of a way to respond to you. However, what could he realistically say to you? There was no doubt that he would be the one to take the brunt of the blame for this catastrophic failure.  
“And here I thought the two of us would have some common ground, you always seemed the more of the two.”

“Polite,” You quickly correct. “I seemed polite, and so you thought you could run over me. But seeing thousands die for no other reason than a personal grudge tends to push decorum to the back of one’s mind.”

“Yes well, it doesn’t really matter what you think about does it? Or how you feel about you feel about what happened. You don’t get to decide what we get to do next.”

“And I find it remarkably strange that you think that one day you’ll be in the position to give orders,” You respond quickly. “There are only three people on this ship that have the power to change the destiny of the galaxy, and you aren’t one of them.”

The elevator begins to slow, and as the chrome doors of the elevator open you exit first, eager to be finished with the what will surely be a stern reprimanding.

It only takes a moment before you realize that you don’t hear the familiar clacking of Hux’s boots.

“Come along, General, let’s see how you’re rewarded for your failure.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Screw that guy and his gaudy gold bathrobe.

Your eyes do not move from the reflective ground in front of you. Strangely, it wasn’t the Supreme Leader that head you nervous but his bright red guards. Their eyes may have been guarded but you could feel them watching you. They didn’t seem to watch Hux with the same intensity, like they knew he wasn’t a threat. You however, despite the discrepancy between your respective strengths, could be.

“All I need is another chance, Supreme Leader, please!” The young general begs on his knees not more than teen feet in front of you.

Frankly you were slightly surprised that he was able to speak so well. A few seconds ago, he was being tossed across the throne room like a children’s toy.

“Another chance to disappoint?” The Supreme Leader questions, in that terrifying voice.

You had been right, about his hologram being simply an overcompensation. He was a gigantic being already, so it made even less since to you why he would need to exaggerate his size.

“We know where their base is, and we are prepared to hit them with them with everything we have in retribution for lives lost,” Hux say nearly shaking with passion.

‘Lives you lost.’

The thought runs through your mind before you can stop it and you can feel the dread begin to build amongst your shoulders.

The chuckle that spills from the throne, nearly brings the tense shoulders down in a sag.

You knew what would happen next. He would pit the two of you against each other, and suggest perhaps, you should replace him. You doubted that he would seriously off you the position, but he did at times love to so sew contention between his servants. As much as you teased Hux in the elevator, at the moment, it was not strategically viable to have Hux removed from such a position. He did seem to make a good punching bag, after all. It would be even worse to have him actively making moves against you.

“The woman seems to think that you are wrong, General.”

Hux tenses, and you know that if it wasn’t rude he’d turn around to glare those light eyes of his.

“Speak woman! I know you have a tongue.”

“Forgive me Supreme Leader, it is not that I think the General is wrong about the resistance needing to be destroyed. However, considering that the new Republic was the only other legitimate source of authority in the galaxy, besides our own, should we not focus foremost on consolidating power? Bringing the worlds into order and letting them know they have nothing to fear if they obey. If we create a thriving atmosphere there will be no need for a resistance. An organization that dies because it has nothing to live for is much better than us continuously destroying it. That conflict will only drive more to resist.”

The Supreme Leader sits back in his throne and you take a moment to flash your gaze up to his deformed face. It’s likely, that you wouldn’t have been able to properly read the expression on his face unless you closer, but he still doesn’t look pleased. And a part of you feels like an idiot.

It seems obvious thinking about it now. This wouldn’t be the first time that Hux has failed him, albeit the first on such a massive scale. But who, in their right mind, would keep a failure in the space unless they inherently agreed with their goal?

‘He’s just as obsessed with the resistance as Hux is’

“And what would you suggest we do? Leave them?” The Supre- no, Snoke asks.

It seems as if he’s asking the question in response to what you’ve said verbally and your thoughts.

“If the resistance must be engaged then do it at their home world, and if it does not succeed, let them flee. They will not have the means to attack us again, not after the loses they suffered attacking Starkiller Base. They are not worth the effort that is being spent on them.”

It’s silent for a moment, and you are sure that you have made a mistake. Clearly it was in his interest, as unfathomable as it was to, engage with the resistance. However, it would not have made sense to lie, especially when he could so easily read your thoughts.

“Hux leave us, engage the enemy the way you see fit, but do not fail me again.”

The general scrambles to his feet and quickly walk out of the room without hesitation. If you had raised your gaze to meet his you would have seen the pleased smirk cross his features.

The moment he leaves the room, you find yourself in the same undesirable position that Hux had been in moment earlier. On your knees, in front of being that could end your life with a snap of his fingers, two if you put up a good fight.

“And what makes you qualified to know better than my general?” He sneers.

“Perhaps,” you start, your tongue thick with the rush of saliva that filled your mouth. “I gave the wrong impression, Supreme Leader. As a non-combatant, and one that would be a more than humble servant in the coming empire, the presence of the resistance means little to me.”

“And why should I care what it means to you?”

“Respectfully, I represent the most basic of citizenry. Someone who would effectively have no power other than what you allow,” You begin smoothly. It is a lie. Even if you had not entered into this arrangement with the First Order they would have been forced to bargain with you eventually. And though, Arkanna would have had no weapons stop them from invading, you could have leveraged your position to make life much easier for yourself and your family. “And even the most tyrannical of governments need at least a third of the people on their side to effectively rule.”

He waves gangly wrinkled fingers, a signal for you to continue.

“At the moment, no one sees us anything more than the second coming of a failed empire. One that may have been greater in their eyes. We have done nothing to make our presence felt as an effective governing force. We have simply spent our time terrorizing the galaxy. Restoring order, increasing trade, providing aid, are all things we can do now to effectively win people over. If we quickly cease the opportunity, we can do this quickly.”

It’s quiet again, and for a moment you believe that perhaps that he taken your words to heart.

And then he begins to laugh.

“Very good, truly very good,” He says with a rasping laugh clapping his hands mockingly. “You’ve studied well, little princess. Though I shouldn’t be surprised, should I? Your family crawled from being street urchins to subjugating an entire planet in less than a thousand years. Of course, your father taught you how to maintain power. You’d be expected to do that much at least. It’s why a let you marry that idiot boy.”

That stung, however, it was not a completely unexpected response.

“And yet you have missed a key factor in your complicated equations, girl.”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “Sir?”

“On your precious, Arkanna, how many times have you had to put down a revolt? A coup attempt, an uprising of your little workers?”

“Not many, my liege. The last major one-”

“Was over 700 years ago. And do you know why?”

It wasn’t something that you often liked to think about, when you thought of the extended time of peace that your planet experienced, but it was a fundamental reality. “The secret police, they assassinate, key targets, to keep them from rallyin-“

“No!” He cuts you off angrily. “They aren’t simply killing them to keep them from trying to over overthrow you! If people expect more of the same, there is no reason to resist, life won’t change. What your family has done, for nearly as long as they have been in power is kill an idea. The idea that the people can live without your family, an idea that there are other ways to live.”

He shakes his head as if he is disgusted with you for not figuring it out sooner. “And it only takes one person to spread an idea. And none are more effective than the Jedi. However, misguided they are, those people you care so much about believe that the Jedi will protect them, lead them down the right path, whatever that maybe.”

“That girl, is no Jedi,” You spit angrily, nearly forgetting to whom you were speaking. “If all it took to be a Jedi was to be able to use the force then I would be a Jedi. And Luke has abandoned them.”

“And they wait with baited breath for his return!” He screeches, and a pressure pushes your body even further and your forehead nearly slams into the ground. “And while he waits to make his auspicious arrival, they have placed all that love on to their Princess, stupid girl.”

“Perhaps, if these were any other ants we could afford to ignore them. But these rats spread like a disease, we must cut out this cancer before it spreads. The very same way your family has done for generations.”

“Of course, my lord,” You say with some difficulty, the forced position of your body making it hard for your lungs to properly intake oxygen.

After a moment of silence, the tension begins to dissipate and the pressure on your body removes its self.

“Leave me,” He says. “And the next time that you come here, hold your tongue, and obey.”

With the finality of the statement, you carefully shuffle to your feet, and leave almost as quickly as Hux had.

Your tense shoulders do not begin to relax until the chrome doors of the elevator close shortly after you enter the compartment.

You close your eyes to calm yourself and as afraid as you had been in his presence, you realize how beneficial that meeting had been.

‘Even the Jedi served a master’ you think to yourself. It’s possible to bring anyone to heel, if they believe that what they are doing is right. If it becomes necessary, though you doubted that it would, you were confident that even if for some reason the Jedi were to make their presence known, you could build a galaxy where a need for them would be non-existent.

And you were certain of another thing.

That you were the only one in the First Order that had any ambition to actually run a galaxy.

 ***

You imagined he might like the scar, even if he wasn’t fond of the way that he received it. It actually gives him a reason to wear that mask of his now. The hole on his stomach, however, would irritate him. Shot in the stomach with a Wookie’s bow caster, the doctor said. The injury was so bad the some of the surrounding flesh had begun to die by the time that they had begun surgery on him. Then the wound only seemed to be further aggravated by the fact that not only did he continue fighting after he received it, but in some areas, there was violent bruising. Apparently, he’d begun hitting the wound.

Willing himself into the fight? Perhaps.

Using the pain and anger he felt for receiving the injury to give him an edge? More likely.

Still, whatever damage he inflicted upon himself, you felt was negligible, as you were the reason he was hurt in the first place. If you had simply taken the opportunity to kill the intruders where you saw them, he wouldn’t be laying in a chemically induced coma recovering from his injuries.

Why had you let them go?

If you hadn’t he’d be walking around with you now. Not only that you could have quite possibly prevented the thousands of deaths that occurred.

He shifts, you notice and begin frowning. Medically induced comas weren’t things people just woke up from. Though, you supposed, if anyone could fight their way through it. He wouldn’t want to be doted over by nurses if he was waking up.

“How much longer is he going to be out?” You ask absently to a nearby nurse. The woman jumps at the sound of your voice.

“We can wake him up relatively soon. The reason we haven’t done so already is that the doctor thought that he would want to rest.”

“I swear you people have no sense of self preservation,” you say with a disappointed sigh. “Were we not just attacked? Not simply on those who attacked the First Order, but Kylo Ren personally?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And as we have the most advanced weaponry in the galaxy, could it not be said that it is almost certain that we would be preparing to launch a counter attack.”

“Yes, ma’am

“And even if he wasn’t physically able to participate in said attack…” You roll your hand toward her prompting her to fill out the rest of your sentence.

“W-would want to at least see the attack, ma’am?”

“And if he missises it?” You question with a smirk.

“H-he would blame the medical staff, and kill us all,” she finishes with a gulp. Her eyes bulge slightly, “I’ll get the doctor to come in to perform the procedure.”

She quickly exits the private room to find the proper medical staff.

“You’re usually much nicer to them.”

“I don’t feel like being particularly nice, after basically getting in trouble for something that I didn’t do,” You reply simply looking at a barely open dark orb.

Body still sluggish, his attempt to raise an eyebrow amounts to a barely noticeable wiggle. The actions cause your eyes to soften slightly, and the guilt you were feeling earlier forces its way back into the forefront of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize. “It’s my fault you got hurt.”

There is a questioning look on his face.

“I saw them, spoke with them,” you explain. “The girl, the traitor, the Wookie, and your father. I let them go. They seemed so small at the time, like letting them go couldn’t do any harm, but here you are.”

He tensed, you noticed, at the mention of his father and moved his gaze from you to the ceiling. He was deep in thought, and though you wanted the relief knowing what those thoughts were, you chose to avoid probing his mind.

“It was my destiny to fight them,” he decides after a few moments. “Fate kept you from interfering, what happened next wasn’t your fault.”

“I see.”

A part of you was happy that he didn’t blame you, at least his drug addled state didn’t blame you, but the guilt was still there.

“Your father,” You begin. “He seemed eager to see you.”

“I killed him,” He says bluntly.

When you don’t respond his dark eyes shift again to meet yours, gauging your reaction. He is only slightly surprised to see you staring at him with furrowed brows and a slightly confused look on your face. Although, he’s not sure why he is even slightly surprised, as much as he has let you into his mind, he’d never let you experience the true depth of his feelings, positive and negative, for his parents.

“That most have been hard,” You say finally. It’s a strange statement to give after someone has confessed to patricide. Somewhere dangling in the middle between congratulatory and comforting.

“It was necessary, I can focus better now.”

‘Can he?’ The thought comes almost reflexively. It didn’t seem like his mental state had changed, if anything it seemed even foggier then when you were last around him. If anything, he almost felt more conflicted.

“I’m happy for you,” You said with a gentle smile. If the self-satisfying lie is what he wanted to be the truth, then you would happily pretend until he wanted otherwise.

Your eyes leave his face and settle on his abdomen once more.

“It doesn’t hurt,” he says once he notices where you gaze a drifted.

“I know it does,” you rebuke quickly, “I felt it.”

Your hand instinctively moves to your own side, remembering the fraction of pain that you experienced.

His eyebrows furrow at the implication, full lips pulling down into a frown. His intentions hadn’t been to cause you pain and realizing now that all of the damage he had purposefully done to himself, could have put you in danger make him feel slightly guilty.

“I don’t won’t you to handicap yourself,” You state quickly. “I just ask when you do get hurt give your body, and mine, a chance to heal. I still have yet to fulfill my end of the deal when it comes our marriage, and I can’t do that it constantly feels like my abdomen is going to explode.”

He lets out a sigh of agreement and his eyes shut, clearly still tired from the medicine that is still flowing through him.

“You agree now, but I know that when we attack the resistance, you’ll be right there, fighting too.”

He doesn’t deny it.

An agitated sigh forces its self out through your nose.

“Well then, as idiotic as it sounds, I hope Hux comes up with a plan that doesn’t involve you leaving this ship.”

He snorts, and you chuckle.

You both know that won’t happen.


End file.
